Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Camping - the issues.

It is with some trepidation 'THE CAMPING TRIP' looms. We are going with 4 lovely families and I am sure it will be lots of fun (non-sarcastic).

However, as with any activity involving grown-ups with mortgages, their children and travel there are ISSUES. What we say and what we are thinking are generally poles apart.

Said: The campsite looks nice B, thanks for booking it. How much do we owe you.

Think: What the fuck is that. A lake in the middle of the campsite. A busy road to the left. So, not only do I have be on constant guard in case the children are abducted by some predatory paeophile; there is a huge likelihood they will be either be drowned or run over by the end of the weekend. Fucking brilliant.

Said: So, anything your kids DON'T eat?

Think: Please GOD will they eat the food prepared by other parents and pretend they like homemade as much as shop-bought. Please, if (when) we do visit a pub, will they behave as though having lemonade and crisps is a HUGE treat reserved for birthdays and holidays only.

Said: Hope the weather is good.

Think: It's bloody Norfolk in May - it will either be pissing down in which case we're out of there faster than you can say M11; or, by some miracle, it might be sunny, therefore too hot for the children to sleep in the tents. They'll all be crotchety and fighty and tearful the next day and I'll have to start on the gin EARLY in order not to argue with husband.

Said: How much booze are you taking? Oh, just enough for perhaps a G&T in the afternoon, if it's sunny; couple of glasses of wine with dinner; something for round the campfire later.. what about you two?

Think: Holy shit, what if we run out of wine. Shall have to have stash of red wine in the tent as may need to get totally rat-arsed before sleeping on the ground. Then all our friends will know we drink MUCH more than them. Oh dear.

I'll let you know how it goes.


  1. Hee hee, come on team, it'll be super fun. Break out the billy cans boys.

  2. Wonderful! Totally identify with the desire for kids not to act like crisps and lemonade everyday occurance!

    Train them to say: 'We make our own smoothies with strawberries we grew ourselves'

    Hope you're making notes in the tent so you can do follow-up blog soon.

  3. Suggest bringing a hipflask of sloe gin for emergencies. Also, the American s'mores keep children very happy -- Marshallows burned to a cinder on the end of a stick in the campfire, thrown between two digestive biscuits with a large lump of Cadbury's Dairy Milk.

    Good luck. (I love camping!).

    -- Miss W xx

  4. loved this! 'specially the food one & camp location one... :-)

  5. Ah, the delights of camping. As a former girl guide/current guide leader, I completely understand the need for wine before bed! I've managed to agree to three camping holidays this year, and I'm still not entirely sure how...

  6. I say - be yourselves. Who cares if you're lushes, maybe you'll convert others.
    I actually have wonderful memories of camping. It was a haven for me, and my siblings. After the breakup of my parent's 20 yr marriage, my mother packed us all in the car and we drove to France. We spent 6 weeks camping in the South of France, ate Cocoa Pops with chocolate milk for every meal and had a brilliant time.
    As much as it may be a nightmare, I am more than sure you will look back on this camping trip and have some laughs! xC

  7. Ace post. Totally loved the crisps and lemonade thing, for shamefully obvious reasons.

  8. "Please, if (when) we do visit a pub, will they behave as though having lemonade and crisps is a HUGE treat reserved for birthdays and holidays only."

    Very funny...I echo this sentiment exactly. I often find myself going into shrill overdrive when faced with this situation; kind of "OOOOoooo kids... WHAT A SPECIAL TREAT!!!! Just this once mind" Obviously I have my hands clamped over my children mouths to stop hem uttering "but we had lemonade/crisps/fast food yesterday"

  9. OMGLOLOMG says Just started caravanning..been lots of fun....re: Red Wine would suggest wine box then always on tap and no one knows how much you drink !!

  10. i am so jealous of your wine consumption. glad to hear it was lovely. Camping with children - who knew? ps most excellent redesign of blog. am jealous.

  11. You need a camelback backpack filled with wine - just tell them you're dehydrated and need to keep water handy and then just be on constasip.
    Sounds terrifying, the entire ordeal. Wish for rain so you can go home immediately

  12. I hear you can get a thing to make the trampoline in my back garden into a tent... I don't expect to get much further than that. :)

  13. I echo what Katherine above said... when my husband comes home from business trips, I instruct the kids NOT to tell him how many times we had Pizza/McDonalds etc!

  14. such an endearing post. perhaps next time you can take a huge stash of gin&wine and a huge bottle of ketjap manis (for obvious rsns). xoxo

  15. Very very very very very sorry.
    I've tagged you for a MEME over at mine. I know you wont' want to be my friend anymore but I had to do it to somebody..