Monday, 27 April 2009

Twitter - it's a girl thing.

I suppose some of the mothers of children at daughter's nursery are the sort of women lads mags editors had in mind when they coined the term MILF. (An unneccesarily graphic description to my mind - and a little over the top - as though giving birth and managing to leave house with clean hair/lipstick on are permanently mutually exclusive) These women in turn perhaps like to describe themselves as Yummy Mummys. (Surely yumminess is in eye of beholder and should not be self-proclaimed. If you think having straw hair, being bright orange, pneumatically chested with BMI below 17 is yummy, hey, it's your look)

One of these women fills me with DOOM. To be fair, not because of words or actions witnessed by me. Purely for the look on her face when approached by another female. She fangs them (it cannot be called a smile). You can see the conflict in her eyes.. She is thinking.... 'Is this person on the same rung of the social ladder as me. Is her house as big as mine, does she drive a late-model European SUV, are her clothes from the 'right' shops. Could she and her husband grace my table, raising my profile as hostess extraordinaire. Are we mutually compatible to bask in each other's reflected glory.. '

On the other hand, The Fear strikes her heart .. 'Is this woman richer than me, is her house bigger, her husband more successful? Is she prettier, thinner, will she think me not worthy to move in her circles.. ...or worse, is she in throes of messy divorce, in which case befriending now will only fuck up dinner party placement at later date.....'

Not for her the joys of female friendship.

Here are some examples of why I love my friends.

Running friends

Off to Nice to run 1/2 marathon - must celebrate completion - not in style of a quiet dinner pushing salad around a plate with a glass of chablis. No. In style! Dancing on tables until 4am fending off unsuitable French orphans.

NCT friend

Asked her for recipe for baked cheesecake. Muttered vague email promise. Next afternoon - baked cheesecake nestled on doorstep, just in time for guests arrival.

Day to day friends.

1.We have a tradition (have done it four times so it is a tradition) of getting together for lunch on a Friday. We always have Vin Fizzy and Posh Fish Finger Butties (recipe - Pain Rustique, 3 x grilled FF, rocket, mayonnaise)

2. Was chastised the other day for giving gorgeous friend an 'air kiss', when she gave me 'welcome home' bear hug. Feel suitably embarrasssed. She should've slapped me. What was I thinking. Must always be person to give heartfelt hugs and kisses. Feel surprisingly touched she told me instead of just thinking me a tosser.

3. We had a night out together recently so revelrous, it is spoken of in whispers. The Tapas Night. Can it be repeated. Will any other evening ever compare. Could revelations possibly get more saucy. It will remain to be seen.

Best friend Ever 'The Millionairess in Dubai'

1. Text conversations daily. Topics include 'If you could eat anything right now what would it be" "how many calories exactly in a stuffed vine leaf" (she will know)

2. She always swears black and blue, that she would swap her size 6 figure for my face. Yeah, right.

Best friend from University

1. Went to Killers concert together recently. I have known her for 22 yrs and love the fact that when we go out together there is never any suggestion that we will not get totally and utterly rat-arsed.

2. When I sprayed on some Shalimar she remembered and said 'you smell like you at 20'.

Twitter 'friends'

Early February - what is this thing Twitter? Celebs talking - how exciting (ironically the dullest thing about it). Novelty of talking to existing friends, husband in next room wore off fast. Ooh, I have followers. Mainly 'internet marketing gurus' and even one 'I followed you because you look hot - er thanks but no... um, ok, yes please).

Gradually over the last few months I seem to have built up some little friendships. Let's face it - Twitter, due to integral multitasking nature of it, is a Girl Thing.

Now, in addition to watching crap TV, texting real life friends and occasional Facebook scrabble, I now feel the companionship of some fantastic women. We laugh at the same things, we talk about men in the smuttiest of ways, you've evoked tears of laughter and sadness reading your blogs. Most importantly, I realise even those of you who have enviable success in your lives all suffer from varying levels of insecurity and self-doubt. But unlike me, it's not holding you back. Thanks for the inspiration. I'll try to use it wisely.